Losing Friends

Warning: this post is extremely long. Sorry guys!

Okay, so I do'nt know if this happens to any of you, but I think the best at night. LIke, I'll be about to fall asleep, and this really good idea or thought will pop into my head. Then I wake up and don't remember it.

So when I woke up at 2:30 am this morning,I decided to write my thoughts down in my journal and then publish them here later on! What was I think about, you may ask? Well, the answer would be riends that I feel I lost.

There are some people that I have known before I was born. Our parents took parenting classes together for goodness sakes! For instance, there's this guy (let's call him August.). He and I literally grew up togethe. We used to be best friends and we were rally close. I still like to think of him as that 3 year old boy, but he's not. Someting happened, but I don't know what. I've seen him every Sunday and Wednesday of my entire life! How could I not notice the change?

And what about this girl (let's call her Leah.) Leah and I hve been inseperable growing up. I still spend the night all the time at her house. Her parents love me and my parents love her. We're like sisters! This is how good of friend she is -- she still came to my birthday party the day after her mom died. She's the one person I can tell everything, even those secrets that i'm not supposed to tell... (come on, admit it, everyone has a friend like that!) ButI feel us drifting apart and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. :/ Do you guys have any ideas?

Oh yes, another topic I just thought about. Collage. I know that I'm only in Jr. High, and that I shouldn't be worrying about this, but I do. It bothers me that in a few years I'm going away from all o my friends. I have this vey hig (almost unatainable) dream of going to Juliard as a clarinetist/pianist, but only one of my friends wants to go there, and we're really not that close.If I moved to New York, I would be away from all my friends. This worries me.

I guess all this boils down to is more self esteem issues. i'm afraid of losing friends, getting out of touch, and never seeing the again. That's my greatest fear (at the moment): That al my frinds will abandon me and I'll lose them and have no one because just suck that bad.

-Princess Buttercup-

P.S. Please comment. I changed my settings that anyone can comment, even if you don't have an account. Oh, and vote on the poll below! Thanks for reading, I know ths one was really long, but thanks for hanging with me.